Words I Needed to Hear (8)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

Wow. It’s been awhile since I have really dug into this feature. Life had gotten pretty busy and honestly..this is the first week in awhile that I have no big plans and can finally relax and recover. I am hoping to really dive back into this feature, because I think it has a lot of value including being a bit therapeutic for myself as I discuss just why these particular words have hit me.

Today, we get a little background before I share what I stumbled upon. Years ago, many many years ago, I was pretty crushed by someone I had thought was a friend. I won’t give names, I won’t give a lot of details (because years later I still worry that people would judge me and my reactions and what I did because of it). To sum it up vaguely…this person worked pretty hard to earn my trust. We became fairly good friends (I had thought) even though many people shook their head. Even though deep down in my gut I was not sold on it and not 100% comfortable. Well this person worked hard to earn this trust and then took advantage of a particularly weak moment, a not so fabulous moment on my part. And then…they never said a word about it. I actually found out from a different friend of mine at the time, and I was hurt. Oh I was so hurt. I honestly can’t even describe how I felt without really getting into the nitty gritty. Betrayal. I think that’s the most accurate word. I couldn’t trust this person. I started feeling like I couldn’t really trust anyone. Eventually I gathered up the courage to confront this person (confrontation is not my thing) and they denied everything and told me everyone else was lying to me to make a dramatic situation out of nothing. So yes, ties have been cut with this person and I have never looked back. Am I bitter and angry today? Not really. I mean it sucked, but I have moved on and forgiven that person as best as I can.

However, I realize that this situation has started playing in my mind a lot lately. The warning signs I should have seen, how I should have acted before it became an issue, etc. My mind is kind of going crazy and it’s definitely changing how I view my relationships now. And the sad thing is, there is NO similar situation right now. I trust myself, especially after all of that. I trust the people I am around, and it has taken awhile to even get that trust going. So why? Why is this suddenly playing in my mind over and over again? It’s silly, but now I think I have never fully gotten over the emotions and the hurt. I may have forgiven all parties involved. I may have said I moved on and would be perfectly civil and polite if we were to run into each other, but the feelings have really rocked me (and this was YEARS ago).

So what words have really hit me today? What words have given me a reminder that I am more than this and that this does not define my life and my current relationships?

I am not going to let this situation take over my life. I am not going to give this awful memory the power to make it so that I don’t try, so that I don’t trust, and so that I don’t move forward and create deeper friendships. I will not let this take over my life as it’s threatening to do. If anything this situation made me stronger. It made me stand up for myself instead of letting myself get walked all over, which is typical of me. It made me take control of a situation and end those relationships that were clearly toxic. It made me value those I could trust so much more. I hate that I had to go through this to come to these realizations, but I am so glad that I can bring some positives out of this.

I can’t imagine I am the only one in the world that needs these words today. Whatever your situation, whatever memories are haunting you…just remember that they don’t define your future. Use them, learn from them, grow from them. We are all so much stronger than we know.

What are some words that have really hit you lately?

Words I Needed to Hear (8)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

Today’s particular post comes from a very personal place, but a place that I think needs to be shared more now than ever. This came from late night ramblings and a sudden wave of grief that I did not see coming. Please, read…even if you aren’t dealing with this struggle. Get to know what others might be struggling with and see what you can do to help them this Holiday Season.

The Holiday Season is about joyfulness. It’s about being with your loved ones and celebrating the feelings of the season. It is always rooted in tradition and in memories of years past. But what happens when those traditions come to a halt? What happens when one earth-shattering day changes everything?

It’s been 14 years since my first earth-shattering day, and there have been a few that have followed it years later. Days that have changed how I celebrate this season, how I feel about this time of year and that fill me with bittersweet emotions of the passing time. On one hand, I love this time of year. I love decorating for Christmas and spoiling family members and friends, giving them just a small glimpse of how much I care. I love the baking, the gatherings, and the meaning of the season. On the other hand, I see the empty chairs. I feel the voids of those that are no longer with us. I can SEE how this emptiness changes how we interact and it leaves me aching. Loss never leaves.

So I am writing this for those that are experiencing their first year of the holiday season without their loved ones. I am writing to those that are feeling like they are drowning in the pools of grief and unable to enjoy the season because of it. The people who are spending time plastering a smile on their face and pretending it’s all good as I have done many many times. Know that it’s perfectly fine to not be ok. It’s fine to look at other people’s joy and not feel it. They don’t know what’s going through your head. They don’t know your process. They don’t know this part of you, the part that you keep hidden so well. They were sad for your loss, but you LIVE it. You live it every single day. This doesn’t mean that they don’t feel the void. It doesn’t mean that they don’t notice the empty chair and long for it to be filled again. They were touched by your loss, but it’s your everyday reality. They are at a total different area of grief than you are, and that’s ok.

For those of you that are in that space right now, the space of not feeling the joy of the season, this post is for you.

I know that it’s not going to be easy this Holiday Season. It’s honestly never going to be easy because the loss is constantly present. It’s always there; no matter where you go it will follow you. I have tried many times to escape it, but it always finds it’s way back to me. This ever-present feeling never truly 100% goes away.

Even though the loss is always there it eventually doesn’t crush you in every way possible. As someone once told me after my dad passed (one of the few things that really stuck through the waves of “I’m so sorry” and other well wishes that honestly felt meaningless even though they came from a good place), “Loss never leaves you, but one day you will wake up and not have to remind yourself to breathe.” If there is anything that I have found to be true it is that. One day I woke up and didn’t have to remind myself to breathe. The pain is there, the hurt is there, but I don’t have to remind myself to put one foot in front of the other and put on a brave face. You will get to this day, I promise.

Until that day, hold on to those you love. Find something to do this Holiday Season that helps you think of the loved one you lost. Do something that helps you feel a little bit better, even momentarily. If you can’t do what is expected of you then don’t. Only you know what you can handle today; tomorrow maybe you can handle more. All you can do is take it one day at a time.

To those that are struggling this Holiday Season, please know that I am truly sorry for every post you see for this time of year. Social media doesn’t know how you are feeling, and other people are honestly and truthfully excited. Remember that none of it is to make you feel bad in any way. I am sorry that you are feeling this way, but know that there are always people there to talk to (even if it doesn’t feel like it).

I wish you all strength this Holiday Season.

Words I Needed to Hear (7)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

Man, it’s been awhile since I have posted one of these. Between my own life being hectic and being a little discouraged by things happening in the world lately. But, the only thing I can do right now is press forward and do what I need to do to make things better.

One of the things that I have been doing while all of this is happening is falling down the Pinterest black hole. Thankfully this has been really encouraging. From finding things to do, cook, and read I have also been enjoying finding new quotes that really hit home to me.

The one I am sharing with you today is something that I keep coming back to these days. I know there is a lot of hurt out there right now; a lot of fear. And I think that if we all took this to heart, well then we could at least be there for each other (which is more than what some people have right now). I don’t think that much more needs to be said, because it really speaks for itself.

Feel free to share some quotes of your own! There’s nothing better than one of those quotes that just hits you in the moment and that gives you a little strength in a tough moment.

Words I Needed to Hear (6)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

Hey everyone! Man, has this been a rough summer for blogging for me. I just haven’t felt as inspired as normal, both in my blogging life and in my personal life. Today though, today feels good.

To be totally honest I have no idea what has been going on with me. I have had a lot of ups, and A LOT of downs. I feel like I have spent a lot of my summer in a rut and have really had a hard time digging my way out of it. I have had such wonderful support in my husband, and my family has helped out more than they probably know. I just can’t seem to dig my way out of it lately. However, today I feel like I am finally making SOME progress.

Since the beginning of July I have started really trying to zone in on my fitness, because I think that it’s really important. I have really dug in to Blogilates and have ABSOLUTELY loved it. I can’t say that I am anywhere near where I used to be, but I do feel a little stronger. And that small improvement physically has really started to transition mentally. It’s still a process, but I’m getting there.

As I was trying to figure out just what I wanted to share with you today I stumbled on this on my pinterest board. I found it fitting for my situation, and I thought someone else might benefit for it.

Today I finally feel like I am starting to fight. I am starting to fight those inner demons and to making my life better. I am working on making changes physically, mentally, and spiritually because I feel like those 3 things will help me out immensely. It’s a battle. It’s a battle over my mind and those negative thoughts, but it’s a battle I am set on winning.

I think that each of us face these battles in our own ways. No single battle is the same. But each and every one of us are capable of fighting. Each of us. Even on our worst days we can fight. You might be fighting with all you got and only can accomplish something you find small, but that is still an AMAZING accomplishment. Give it all you got. You can do it. We can do it!

Image found on Lifehack.org

Words I Needed to Hear (5)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

Lately I have been really feeling down because of things that have already happened. It’s silly when you think of it. I mean, it’s in the past. What can I do about what has already happened besides move forward? But sometimes that stuff just sticks in my mind, as I’m sure it does yours. It could be personal issues, like rejections or things people have done to hurt you in the past. It could be work related, maybe an incident at work or not really staying in one place for very long. Could be a string of rejections, personal or professional. For whatever reason, those moments can stick with a person.

Lately thinking back on these things and having them stuck in my mind has really been draining on me. My self-esteem and self-confidence has been shot and it has definitely influenced how I am each and every day. I feel pretty stupid for somehow ending up in the situations that I am in, and yet I can’t seem to get out. I don’t know how to fix it. So I just keep looking back, which is absolutely ridiculous because that doesn’t even help me. It really just hurts me.

Then I saw this fabulous quote from one of my favorite movies. It made me think. It made me apply it to my own life and to think of what I can learn from the things that have already happened to me. It’s not that I never do this. I have moved forward from painful experiences in the past before, but I feel like it’s not the first thing that comes to mind while I am in these painful experiences. But it’s time to reset and think of how I can move forward.

I really felt the need to share this today, because there is no way that I am the only one struggling with past pain coming back to haunt me. There’s no way to change what happened, but because of what happened we can make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Words I needed to hear (4)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

I have found myself feeling pretty meh lately. I have actually had good news job-wise, and have some employment throughout the summer (which I am so grateful for). Even with all these good things I am really struggling with trying to figure out just where it is I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do. I have lately started even feeling a little under-valued, not worth it, etc. I work hard, with little to show for it. I have found myself having a hard time just relaxing like I so need to, and I really have found that my self-esteem has fallen a bit. This just seems so ridiculous though because I know I have SOMETHING good going on right?

I think it comes down to me being scared of what’s to come. It comes down to me being fearful of crashing and burning, because I really have had very little success as far as employment and such has gone since moving away from home. Seems silly though, right? Because without taking risks, without taking that jump, I am really not going to get anywhere am I? This last experience has rocked me. It has taken that fear of rejection that I have and multiplied it by a trillion. And yet, I am returning since they decided to take me back. I am excited. I am excited to have one more year of consistency, to have the opportunity to help. BUT I am also scared, because I know that I will be in the position of not knowing again.

So instead of looking at the bad stuff, I am looking at the good (well, trying to). I am looking at the fantastic experience that I know I am going to get. I am looking at the ways that I will be tested and grow. I am going to get the best out of this experience.

I know that I can’t be the only one struggling with these feelings. I can’t be the only one feeling like they aren’t really valued in where they are at and taking it a little more personally than necessary. We just have to remember…there is a reason we are here. There is a reason, and we are growing because of it. We are becoming better people. We are becoming stronger people. We just need to put on our brave face.

 

Words I needed to hear (3)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

Today I have really been paying attention to what I see going on in the lives of others via social media. And let me say, a lot of us are having a tough time. Reasons vary, but we could sum it up the same way…it hurts. No matter what hurt you are going through right now, it hurts. And sometimes it hurts to the point where you don’t think you can keep going on with it. I have been at that level of pain. I have had days where all I want to do is curl up in a dark corner and stay there. Pretty recently actually. Some days it’s just hard to put one foot in front of the other.

But guys, we got this. We totally got this. Sometimes it takes time, but we can make it. We are capable of so much more than we are giving ourselves credit for (which is definitely something I tend to forget. I am capable of more, but my self confidence is not the best at helping me remember that). So today, my quote comes from a character very near and dear to my heart. No matter what, remember this is true of YOU.

Words I Needed to Hear (2)

I have an entire Pinterest board called Words, and that’s simply what it is. Quotes for when I’m hurting. Bible verses that I needed and still need. Things that help me reevaluate where I’m at. Things that help me put my best foot forward and move on. And as I have been adding I thought that maybe someone else could benefit from this. Maybe, just maybe, something that I share can help someone. More about this new feature here.

As I look forward to this week, and to the things that are ending, I must admit I am a little sad. I am terrified of what’s to come, mostly because I have no clue what is next. I have been in this position so many times in the last few years, and I am exhausted. It is so easy for me to think about just curling up in my bed and doing nothing more because honestly…this sucks. But I am trying REALLY hard to move past this. Really hard to use this as an opportunity to learn and move forward instead of backwards.

So today…this is what I am reminding myself. This has not been easy, and lots of tears have been shed and frustrations have been let out. But I just need to regroup and move forward. It may feel like I’m falling. It may feel like I have failed. But I am going to use this experience and rise from it.