Words I Needed to Hear (8)

This is something I have started doing randomly on my blog, finding quotes that kind of hit me and sharing because I think someone else may need it it. More information and past posts can be found here.

Wow. It’s been awhile since I have really dug into this feature. Life had gotten pretty busy and honestly..this is the first week in awhile that I have no big plans and can finally relax and recover. I am hoping to really dive back into this feature, because I think it has a lot of value including being a bit therapeutic for myself as I discuss just why these particular words have hit me.

Today, we get a little background before I share what I stumbled upon. Years ago, many many years ago, I was pretty crushed by someone I had thought was a friend. I won’t give names, I won’t give a lot of details (because years later I still worry that people would judge me and my reactions and what I did because of it). To sum it up vaguely…this person worked pretty hard to earn my trust. We became fairly good friends (I had thought) even though many people shook their head. Even though deep down in my gut I was not sold on it and not 100% comfortable. Well this person worked hard to earn this trust and then took advantage of a particularly weak moment, a not so fabulous moment on my part. And then…they never said a word about it. I actually found out from a different friend of mine at the time, and I was hurt. Oh I was so hurt. I honestly can’t even describe how I felt without really getting into the nitty gritty. Betrayal. I think that’s the most accurate word. I couldn’t trust this person. I started feeling like I couldn’t really trust anyone. Eventually I gathered up the courage to confront this person (confrontation is not my thing) and they denied everything and told me everyone else was lying to me to make a dramatic situation out of nothing. So yes, ties have been cut with this person and I have never looked back. Am I bitter and angry today? Not really. I mean it sucked, but I have moved on and forgiven that person as best as I can.

However, I realize that this situation has started playing in my mind a lot lately. The warning signs I should have seen, how I should have acted before it became an issue, etc. My mind is kind of going crazy and it’s definitely changing how I view my relationships now. And the sad thing is, there is NO similar situation right now. I trust myself, especially after all of that. I trust the people I am around, and it has taken awhile to even get that trust going. So why? Why is this suddenly playing in my mind over and over again? It’s silly, but now I think I have never fully gotten over the emotions and the hurt. I may have forgiven all parties involved. I may have said I moved on and would be perfectly civil and polite if we were to run into each other, but the feelings have really rocked me (and this was YEARS ago).

So what words have really hit me today? What words have given me a reminder that I am more than this and that this does not define my life and my current relationships?

I am not going to let this situation take over my life. I am not going to give this awful memory the power to make it so that I don’t try, so that I don’t trust, and so that I don’t move forward and create deeper friendships. I will not let this take over my life as it’s threatening to do. If anything this situation made me stronger. It made me stand up for myself instead of letting myself get walked all over, which is typical of me. It made me take control of a situation and end those relationships that were clearly toxic. It made me value those I could trust so much more. I hate that I had to go through this to come to these realizations, but I am so glad that I can bring some positives out of this.

I can’t imagine I am the only one in the world that needs these words today. Whatever your situation, whatever memories are haunting you…just remember that they don’t define your future. Use them, learn from them, grow from them. We are all so much stronger than we know.

What are some words that have really hit you lately?